Once long ago when the heavens and
the earth were created, the all mighty creator became very lonely. Sure, he had
different spirits and angels around but they weren’t the same as someone that
looked and acted like him. He decided to create creatures in his image to
entertain himself.
The very
smart and intuitive God decided to use different soils around the world when
creating his new creatures. This would make all of the offspring of this
creature all different but still the same. After this creature named Adam was
created, God decided he needed a partner in crime to roam the newly formed
earth. When he breathed life into Adam, he commanded the creature split equally
into allowing the second creature, Eve, to form. The only rule was to not eat
the caramel coated apples from the tree of knowledge. It lasted a good 15 hours
before the creatures were overcome by curiosity and devoured the whole tree in
minute.
Weeks later
the creators become very sick and started to age rather rapidly. The creatures
created by God were not happy. They turned selfish and wanted to be smarter
than anything else in the Universe.
“Hey God,
I’m not very happy with this whole situation you so rudely put us in,” Adam
said with an aggravated tone.
“You should
be so grateful! You were mere dust of the earth before I made you, and now that
you have broken my one and only rule, you shall pay,” God bellowed down to
Adam.
“Yeah well
that’s not my problem. I’m done with your stupid rules. I’m doing whatever I
want from now on,” Adam said.
“Honey,
please stop acting like a fool. You are seriously embarrassing me,” Eve
groaned.
“I’m acting
like the fool? You were the one that that made me eat that stupid fruit and now
look what has happened to us,” Adam glared at Eve.
“Are you
serious Adam? Your fat ass couldn’t wait 20 minutes for my chicken to be cooked
so you decided to get some fruit from some snake thing and feed us. Maybe if
you would help me more around the house and do your part, we wouldn’t be in
this position we are in,” Eve screamed back.
“Seriously guys, I gave you one
rule and now you’ve screwed everything up. For your punishment you will live a
very long life TOGETHER and never separate.
You will be forced to walk the earth for 2 million years before you
wither away a slow and painful death. Maybe next you will listen to me instead
of being complete idiots,” God said shaking his head. “And further more, you
must learn to live in harmony and show your children how to live in harmony or
your whole race will be plagued by war and suffering,”
And that's the story of how one terrible couple supposably screwed everything up for the entire human race!
Author's Note:
So I took a spin on the whole Adam & Eve story from
Our Father Adam. I basically kept the same plot, but tried to add some modern day dialogue. I didn't want to change it up too much and be offensive.
Bibliography:
Book:
Folk-lore of the Holy Land: Moslem, Christian and Jewish
Author: J. E. Hanauer
Year: 1907
