Hi there again Dylan! I am leaving one final comment and then I will stop bothering you with all of my thoughts..hehe. It turns out that we have the same blog design so obviously I think it's pretty cool! I thought that the book and library theme was perfect for this class because we are reading stories from all sorts of books. Sometimes I wish that we could read these stories in real physical books, and not online. I love the internet, don't get me wrong. But there's something about reading a story from an old book where it smells like old parchments and is bound with soft leather. Nicely done!
First off the title of your storybook grabbed my attention. I don’t know if it is just because it is October or because I love a good scary story, but that’s what got me to your page. I think you did a good job of picking out the design for the storybook. It definitely sets the tone for the story by making it look like an old hand written book. I also liked that you chose a jack-o-lantern to tell the story, once again falling back to your title. We all know the classics you listed, but I look forward to reading about the characters you create. Another good point made was that this will be a diary of the pumpkin and what he has witnessed and experienced. I cannot critique much because I think you did a very good job of putting this storybook together. I look forward to reading more of your stories!
I LOVE your storybook! I was drawn in by your title (I love Halloween!) and your Storybook did not disappoint! I love how you told it in the point of Jack, AKA: Jack-'O-Lantern! I also liked your theme and choice of font, it all worked great with the concept for your story.
The only issue I have is that, I got a little confused and lost somewhere in the middle. So, you might think about tightening it a bit, and organizing it a little different? But, hey that's just one person's opinion.
Also, I wasn't sure if you are going to mention Samhain? It was a Celtic tradition, and still remains as a Pagan tradition. Samhain is one of the original Halloween celebrations, as are eating "Soul Cakes." Just some ideas!
Anyways, I really look forward to reading your stories! Like I said, I really Halloween, so I look forward to reading your stories!
WOW! Great introduction! The design of your book really brings the reader in to the story. The image you chose does the same thing and fits your storybook well.
The style you wrote in was fantastic. It kept me engaged the entire time and wanting to read more. I wanted to answer your question at the end by reading on!
The beginning caught my attention and brought me to believe you had really been compiling all of these stories for centuries.
Halloween is such a fun and interesting holiday and you have so many stories to choose from for the rest of your storybook. I'm curious as to how you're going to tell your stories. I'm sure it'll be great. You have a fun theme to work with, especially since Halloween is your favorite holiday.
Your storybook is going to turn out great. I can't wait to read more.
Hi Dylan, I am seriously loving the background you used for your story book. Since it has a diary theme, the book is very appropriate. The text you used also fit the theme for it looks like a handwritten script but it is legible at the same time. Your links were easy to navigate making the introduction easy to find. Your first sentence grabbed my attention and I liked that you are using the Jack o Lantern as your narrator. I like your style of writing. I found it witty and entertaining. I liked when you added that joke about losing your head and that you called Halloween a magical sugar rush. You also mastered the tone of darkness and mystery when you were talking about the monsters. When you added the part about how these creatures being harmless at first but transitioning into hostile beings after humans raging war on them was a nice touch. Seeing that it is October, your storybook has me even more in the mood for Halloween. What you have so far is really good and I cannot wait to see more!
Like fellow classmates pointed out, the book that is the cover page of your storybook is such a nice touch to it. It definitely gives that diary feel. Seeing the book laid out on the page like that, makes me feel like it's actually someone's diary that I'm reading. The colors compliment each other very well too. The picture, along with the cool, dark, colors, gives the storybook a mysterious, kind of scary tone. Even the font contributes to the tone, too! I believe all of these aspects sets up the mood very well.
After reading your introduction, I honestly couldn't find much to point out except two things: in the second paragraph you could add the word "ever" before the word read, just to make a bit more frightening and really make it seem like readers are about to venture on to the unknown. Then, in the second to last paragraph I think there should be a "more" in front of the words "..the nasty and hateful?"
Any who, I think you did a great job writing your introduction and I really am looking forward to reading this diary type of storybook!
I chose your storybook because of the Title. It is short and sweet and that is what makes a strong title. It is also a perfect title given the fact that we are going into October. I must say that your page layout is by far my most favorite.. I am actually quite jealous of it. I am doing a diary entry style storybook as well and I didn't know that there was that layout. It is perfect for your theme, as many have already mentioned. Your introduction was great as well. The Jack o lantern is such a staple of Halloween tradition therefore I think that choosing him as your narrator was an excellent choice. You did a great job in setting the mood in your writing as well. I appreciated when the Jack o Lantern laughed after what he was saying. I think that adds a little bit of darkness and mystery to the story. I can’t wait to see his perspective on the rest of the stories that you will be telling. Overall, great job!
Dylan, wow! I chose your storybook to read as my extra this week and I am lucky that I chose yours!
I picked it out at first because of your Halloween theme. It is almost that time of the year so I thought it would be festive to read. I love October and Halloween, and I think that your background and font choice was picked out really well. I think having a creepy storybook ties into the theme. The script-like handwriting makes the story feel more personal, like it came from this scary know-it-all jack-o-lantern. I also loved the HA HA HA's that came in the middle of your story. I felt like the narrator was really laughing at me!
I think your theme has some real potential and I cannot wait to see what you do in the coming weeks. It sounds like you are going to talk about some scary creatures that may already be familiar to me. I think that tying them all together in this storybook was a really creative idea! The last paragraph was an awesome way to end the introduction. Be sure to remind me not to read your stories late at night!!
Dylan, as Halloween approaches it was only natural that I choose your story. The title was short and sweet and left so much to the imagination. I love the creativity of the story being written in a book. The text is different than most, which adds to the story. It was terribly difficult to read. I wouldn't go any crazier than that. I could actually read in a deep or scary voice. I almost wish there was a crash of thunder and a flash of lightening when I finished reading. With everything going as far as your text and background, using simple pictures like you did would be good to keep the reader from being overwhelmed. This is a great idea to write about. It is going to make for a really awesome story book. I can't wait to read what you will be writing in the future!
Hi Dylan! Like most who have visited your comment wall recently, I found your story based on the singular worded title 'Halloween.' On the site, it says The Halloween Diaries. Is that intentional for you to have two different but similar titles? Also, I like the idea of the jack-o-lantern being all knowing! It is a unique take, and using the headless horseman as a reference as well. I enjoy how Jack is going about to set the story straight. I would like to know why the narrator took it upon himself to curate these stories a little bit more. Good job! Can't wait to see more, especially around this time of year.
Hello Dylan, Your storybook is very impressing. I really like how you titled it Halloween diaries and your webpage has the physical appearance of a diary. Even the text looks handwritten which is fantastic! I think that it is very creative that you used a halloween jack-o-lantern to tell the tale, because it is true they are always out watching. It only made sense that it was all-knowing. I really like that you are telling the "truth" about monsters and how it was mankind that made them into the horrific creatures we imagine now. I could very easily believe this knowing what our species does to not only other creatures on earth, but even our own kind. I am extremely interested to find out about how our traditions are symbolic of the wars that have been waged between our kind and theirs. The only thing I wanted to tell you about was that when I clicked on your link to chapter one it brought me to a blank page. I do not know if there should have been a story on that page, so I thought I would let you know! Great job.
First off I chose to read this as my random storybook since Halloween is so close, and I felt like being festive! Your site is cool, because it looks like a book and you made your stories like they are in a book. I think the font you used is okay for the introduction, but if it possible to change it for your stories I think that will be best for people to read it easier. I think you did great in your introduction on the description of what it is going to be about. The HA HA HA made me laugh, and I said it in my head like someone with an evil laugh would. I think that was a good touch. There was a chapter one link, but there was nothing on it story wise. I am not sure if that was something you were supposed to do for your project since I am not doing a portfolio so I thought I would let you know. I look forward to reading more!
Hey Dylan you are my random read for the week. I just thought I would see how your fantasy writing is compared to your news writing. aww man good times in that summer class lol. anyways lets get to your story book. The first thing that I noticed about your story book was the look of it. It looks like a real story book I thought this was a wonderful touch. I also really like the font that you used. the font help to give it a mysterious feel. I really like the idea of your story book. I think that telling it from the point of view of a Jack-O-Lantern gives it a fun twist. I cant wait to see what stories you plan to tell and how you plan to tell them. I like the idea of this never ending war between humans and monsters. I look forward to reading your stories keep up the good work.
I liked the design you have with this storybook. It looks like a book, which is appropriate for this assignment. Your word choices really captivates the reader and I liked the way you wrote this in first person talking to me. It adds a personal touch to it. It’s nice that you are adding multiple creatures like the vampires and the undead.
I didn’t see grammatical errors or any confusing parts. Everything seemed to flow nicely and together between paragraphs. Its good that you gave a brief introduction for the different parts you will write in future stories. I only read the introduction, I didn’t get to see the other story you had and how it continues off from the intro. For an intro, its nice that you ended with a question. This tempts the reader to continue to the next chapter to read on. The picture was fitting for the story. I liked what you wrote here and look forward to reading the rest of the Storybook.
Hi Dylan! What a fun concept to write about for this time of year! I really enjoyed getting into the theme of the Halloween Diaries a week before the actual holiday. Halloween is my favorite holiday of the year. It is so much fun! I like how the theme of the diary is carried through in the background looking like a book, and that it appears hand written. Nice touch. The image you chose works well with the theme as well. I like how you retold the creation story of Genesis here. I read the original version and like how you changed it up. How fun the narrator is, I look forward to what else his all knowing self will reveal to us. I like a little pumpkin spy. Very clever. I think you did a good job with the story, and the graphics. I do not see anything that I could add to offer any advice.
Oh my gosh! Man I loved the first story and introduction. The book idea is pure genius and you split your paragraphs up well.
Let me tell you what that does for your readers. It makes it enjoyable for us. When I don't have to work to figure out what is happening because paragraphs are split on subjects, it is a dream come true. That brings up another positive: your writing is clear. I do not have to stop and wonder about what a sentence means because they are written so well.
My last thing is I would add some dialogue. Everything is sounding good, but if you incorporate some more characters voices, it will add a ton more to the story. It's already captivating. I'm just stating the only way I would know how to make this better. Good work!
I have no other suggestions. Keep going and I look forward to the nest read!
I loved your storybook! I am from the Indian Epics class and I’m actually writing my story as a CSI diary type narrative, and I have to say I am totally jealous of the layout you chose for your project. I decided to check out your project because I love Halloween. Plus, it is such a general subject. I was not sure if I was going to get the traditional witches, pumpkins, and black cats, or more of a horror movie! I liked that your introduction was both a summary of what was to come, but also a warning of what may come. Who knew your first story would date back to literally the introduction of mankind! Those darn kids, Adam and Eve, ruining everything. I liked that you put a spin on the Genesis story. Instead of the creation of the earth and its people, you also told the story of the creation of Jack the pumpkin! Good job!
Hi again Dylan! I chose to revisit your storybook since it was so enticing the first time around! :)
Anyways, I do like how you had an origin story for how the Jack-o-lantern came to be. And the fact that the origin story incorporated the Creation Story from the Bible was a nice touch! It helps explain why the humans grew to hate the 'monsters.'
But I love the touch of irony that it is Satan, whom is often represented as a monster, that skews humans views of the other living creatures on Earth. Simply put, I think you did a good job with this story, and I am looking forward to reading more!
Being so close to Halloween, I knew I had to check out your blog about the stories from Halloween. Your storybook looks just like a diary, which makes it very appealing to the eye. Although the font is very cool and entertaining, sometimes it can be a little difficult to read.
I enjoyed the use of the action words such as “snap, poof, and sparkle”. I also liked that you added the dialogue from the witch making her potion for the spell because this helped me really visualize the story and understand what was going on, almost as if we were really there. You had a very creative way on changing the story of the bible. The character development you added was much needed in the original story so I am very thrilled that you added that in your rewrite of this story. Great job and I can’t wait to read more of your stories in the future.
Your Storybook looks amazing. It literally is a book which makes it really interesting and eye catching. Your theme about Halloween is a really great idea since it is just around the corner. The picture you chose for your cover page sets the tone for a spooky story. The text that you have chosen really goes well with your topic. Just reading the introduction got me hyped up for how Halloween came to be. Chapter one had an interesting take on the beginning of how everything was created. It was an interesting point of view of how the humans were mean and fearful of the ones they called “monster.” It kind of reminds me how some of society is today. It was great learning how Jack was created and what his purpose was. I loved the incantation the witch used. I enjoyed reading your storybook very much. I hope to read more this semester and see what other spooky stories you have.
I decided to come back to your storybook this week because I had remembered how much I had enjoyed the start that you had on the project. I am glad that I decided to come back as you did not disappoint at all! I think that starting with the story on Jack was a great decision as he was narrating the introduction. I really liked how you took us back to the very beginning. That shows that these stories originated from then. I also enjoyed the biblical analogies and the illustration of how mankind has always done something to throw off the balance on earth. It was great and very interesting to see why the pumpkins were first used and carved. That was great as it really does explain the origin of certain Halloween traditions. The explanation of the birth of the Jack-o-Lantern was great. Very great detail. Like I had said, you are doing a really great job on this project and will certainly be revisiting.
I just looked through all the comments because I thought I had read your storybook before. Perhaps I just read it on my own and had not left a comment.
Let me start with your layout... I think you chose a good design. The book design is actually really fitting. It really adds to your stories. I also really like that your kept the title really simple with "Halloween." I am a huge fan of simplicity and this drew me in.
I love that your storybook started back in time with the beginning. It was interesting that you incorporated this idea of humans creating a level of unbalance. It's oddly fitting with current scientific trends with things like pollution and global warming.
You did a really good job with the creation of Jack-o-Lantern. I just really enjoyed reading this story. It was very timely and well written. I look forward to see where you go with this storybook. I will likely check in to see where your stories go over the next few weeks. Once again, great job!
I look forward to reading your storybook when I can and thought since it was Halloween I should jump at the opportunity. I have been anticipating which direction you were going to take with your storybook and the jack-o-lantern storyteller. I liked the twist you gave to the story of how the jack-o-lantern came about. It was very creative to tie Adam and Eve to the beginning of the pumpkin. I also liked how you added that after eating the fruit they saw the other creatures for what they were. I understand that you were having trouble explaining the story itself. I think you did a good job with the first story. I am looking forward to reading the next one! I did not find any grammatical errors other than “I” should be capitalized in the first paragraph. Once again the layout choice fits perfectly. The creepy picture of the jack-o-lantern adds nice touch as well!
I look forward to reading your storybook when I can and thought since it was Halloween I should jump at the opportunity. I have been anticipating which direction you were going to take with your storybook and the jack-o-lantern storyteller. I liked the twist you gave to the story of how the jack-o-lantern came about. It was very creative to tie Adam and Eve to the beginning of the pumpkin. I also liked how you added that after eating the fruit they saw the other creatures for what they were. I understand that you were having trouble explaining the story itself. I think you did a good job with the first story. I am looking forward to reading the next one! I did not find any grammatical errors other than “I” should be capitalized in the first paragraph. Once again the layout choice fits perfectly. The creepy picture of the jack-o-lantern adds nice touch as well!
Hey dylan whats up man, I see you have added another story to your story book (I still need to add one to mine oops) I chose to come check out you story book again as extra credit. Like last time i still really like your set up. the layout and fount make it feel like im am reading a real story book. Okay im going to be honest i did not expect to see the story of Genesis in your story book, but you did a very good job blending it in. I love the voice that you have given the all knowing jack o lantern and how he became what we know him as today. I also never knew the history of jack o lanterns so it was cool reading about that in your notes. I cant wait to read your other stories. keep up the good man.
Your storybook has really grown. I haven't seen it since your first intro story (and man was that a long time ago). I'm glad you added another story! Your writing style is so great and I love reading your stories. They ALWAYS keep me engaged, which I appreciate. You did a great job blending your stories and even though it's after Halloween, you've brought me back into the holiday with this storybook. Your images that you choose really allow for the reader's imagination to flow and to spark what you've done with your words into their brain. Genesis as your story is actually pretty cool - I'm not so sure anyone could pull that off, but you definitely did. I can't wait to read your finished project. It's a great start (especially since Genesis is in the beginning and this is your first story) and very spooky. Keep it up. Hope to see another story next week!
Really enjoy the setup of your story book! At first the font was a bit tough to read but after a while I was able to read it just fine. I like your book layout over the notepad one that people seem to use a lot. There is good contrast in the words and page. I'm interested to see what monsters you explore and how you explore them. Will you just be telling the story of monsters or will you have an overarcing storyline? I know there is the one about the monsters being attacked. Anyway, I really know want to learn more about the background of jack-o-lanterns. I never really thought about the story behind them. I came from the Epics of India class and chose your blog due to its halloween nature. I'm really glad I choose to read your stories. Just wanted to wrap up with great job on your storybook.
I decided to revisit your portfolio because it was one of my favorites for sure! I love the spooky feeling that you story gives off. I thought your first story complimented your introduction well. I think there is a good theme carried throughout so far; it is consistent. I think you do a good job proofreading and everything as well. Your writing and grammar is impeccable.
I thought that using a story from the bible was something new and interesting. I do not think anyone has retold a biblical story in any that I have seen thus far. I think it is really cool how you incorporated the pumpkins into the battle between the humans and the monsters. I never would have thought of that! I wish that the jack-o-lantern was on our side. Apparently, he is just a spy for the monsters. I can't wait to see how your story progresses!
I wanted to revisit your portfolio because of how interesting and entertaining your first story was to read! In fact, it was so interesting that I went through and read it again. I love your new story, too. My favorite part of your most recent story was the jack-o-lantern. I remember when you carved one and left it on our back porch (hey, it's still there). It's also really easy to read. The color of your text and background make everything flow easily on the eyes. You've also managed to get rid of any grammatical errors that I saw previously. Good job on the editing side. Your creative mind shows here and is on par with the stories you write weekly in this class. Keep up the great work and I can't wait to revisit this storybook when you're done in a few weeks once the semester has finished!
Hey, Dylan! I know one story about how Halloween came about, so I’m excited to see if you’re going to use that same story if you’re using a different one. Either way, I’m pretty excited to see what’s going to happen! (I know, I missed the Halloween party train by a couple of weeks, but I’m here now!) Some thoughts as I read your introduction:
• Ooo, gotta love the Jack-O-Lantern! The last line of that first paragraph is a nice way to start building tension and uneasiness in the reader. Well done!
• Headless puns. Bless you.
• “surprises from monsters you’ve never even dreamed of in your darkest nightmares” – this whole sentence builds up to the word “nightmares” so I don’t think you really need “darkest” in there. The “monsters” bit covers it.
• Alternatively, you could add more to the “darkest” component. Like “your deepest, darkest nightmares” or –. Maybe it’s the “dreamed” word I’m having problems with... “dream” indicates something good, “nightmares” indicate something scary. So “monsters not even your darkest nightmare could touch/comprehend/compare to" perhaps.
• …and then the next sentence is about how monsters aren’t monsters? Okay, I’ll roll with it.
It seems like flipped a bit half-way through this? You were doing well in setting us up for a fun, monster-filled story – and then turned towards a darker, “monsters are misunderstood” theme. Was this intentional?
The transition between the themes could be smoother (if there’s supposed to be a transition), but overall your writing is great! The tone needs work, but there weren’t any grammatical errors and your formatting (font size, type, color) is all fantastic!
Hi Dylan! I am visiting your storybook for the first time. I have to say that it looks great. The diary layout looks very interesting. The coverpage image looks very intriguing and it instantly tells the reader to expect some kind of scary moments. The introduction in filed with great details. The font is really nice as it looks like a real diary entry. The introduction does a great job in leading to the stories by providing some background information and by keeping the readers intrigued.
Chapter One was filled with great details. Those details were really nice to read as they made the story even better. I like how you took a simple Adam and Eve story, and turned into such a great story. I really felt like Jack was real. If I read this during Halloween, I think I would've destroyed some pumpkins :) Again, I thought you did an excellent job! I cannot wait to read the other stories.
Chapter one: Dylan! I liked this story. I actually noticed that it was referencing the Bible. That is some great creativity to twist the Bible into a Halloween story. That isn't seen often. I also noticed that your story was similar to a Disney movie that a lot of people love, Halloween Town. I really like that movie and I can see some of the details that both have. I don't know if you did that on purpose but if not that was cool how it worked out!! I can feel like jack is real when I read. That is good because it gives your storybook more character. I really liked chapter one and am never disappointed when I have to come back! Good Job!
What up, Dylan! I was SO excited when you mentioned that you finally added another story the other day! And wow - you didn't disappoint. I had been looking forward to what would happen next. It was really cool how you combined so many different stories into your one story. It's interesting to see how different stories relate and could combine to make an entirely new tale. This takes a lot of creativity! Your story was a bit gruesome, but you really took to the theme and I appreciate that. I also like how you introduced Jules and how she fit into the world you had already created. The only thing I would change is where you put your image. Maybe after the reader knows where your setting is would be a good place.
Overall, great job. I have always enjoyed reading your stories and I hope you get to add one more before the semester ends. Have a great rest of your year! See ya around.
Dylan! I had to make one last stop by your storybook to see the final story. I only wish that there was more. I think you did a wonderful job with the second story. I was intrigued by your introduction and it was very memorable for me. I think you did a good job with making your story book very user friendly. I found your stories comical at times and very entertaining. I also think it took a lot of creativity to keep a storybook like Halloween going after the time had passed. I know that sometimes it is hard to spark another idea when a theme like that passes, but you did not disappoint! I think you did a good job revising the stories. I did not find any grammatical errors. Your author’s notes were very helpful to me and allowed me to understand your thought process. Nice work this semester!
Hi there again Dylan! I am leaving one final comment and then I will stop bothering you with all of my thoughts..hehe. It turns out that we have the same blog design so obviously I think it's pretty cool! I thought that the book and library theme was perfect for this class because we are reading stories from all sorts of books. Sometimes I wish that we could read these stories in real physical books, and not online. I love the internet, don't get me wrong. But there's something about reading a story from an old book where it smells like old parchments and is bound with soft leather. Nicely done!
ReplyDeleteFirst off the title of your storybook grabbed my attention. I don’t know if it is just because it is October or because I love a good scary story, but that’s what got me to your page. I think you did a good job of picking out the design for the storybook. It definitely sets the tone for the story by making it look like an old hand written book. I also liked that you chose a jack-o-lantern to tell the story, once again falling back to your title. We all know the classics you listed, but I look forward to reading about the characters you create. Another good point made was that this will be a diary of the pumpkin and what he has witnessed and experienced. I cannot critique much because I think you did a very good job of putting this storybook together. I look forward to reading more of your stories!
ReplyDeleteI LOVE your storybook! I was drawn in by your title (I love Halloween!) and your Storybook did not disappoint! I love how you told it in the point of Jack, AKA: Jack-'O-Lantern! I also liked your theme and choice of font, it all worked great with the concept for your story.
ReplyDeleteThe only issue I have is that, I got a little confused and lost somewhere in the middle. So, you might think about tightening it a bit, and organizing it a little different? But, hey that's just one person's opinion.
Also, I wasn't sure if you are going to mention Samhain? It was a Celtic tradition, and still remains as a Pagan tradition. Samhain is one of the original Halloween celebrations, as are eating "Soul Cakes." Just some ideas!
Anyways, I really look forward to reading your stories! Like I said, I really Halloween, so I look forward to reading your stories!
Dylan,
ReplyDeleteWOW!
Great introduction!
The design of your book really brings the reader in to the story.
The image you chose does the same thing and fits your storybook well.
The style you wrote in was fantastic. It kept me engaged the entire time and wanting to read more. I wanted to answer your question at the end by reading on!
The beginning caught my attention and brought me to believe you had really been compiling all of these stories for centuries.
Halloween is such a fun and interesting holiday and you have so many stories to choose from for the rest of your storybook. I'm curious as to how you're going to tell your stories. I'm sure it'll be great. You have a fun theme to work with, especially since Halloween is your favorite holiday.
Your storybook is going to turn out great. I can't wait to read more.
Hi Dylan,
ReplyDeleteI am seriously loving the background you used for your story book. Since it has a diary theme, the book is very appropriate. The text you used also fit the theme for it looks like a handwritten script but it is legible at the same time. Your links were easy to navigate making the introduction easy to find.
Your first sentence grabbed my attention and I liked that you are using the Jack o Lantern as your narrator. I like your style of writing. I found it witty and entertaining. I liked when you added that joke about losing your head and that you called Halloween a magical sugar rush. You also mastered the tone of darkness and mystery when you were talking about the monsters. When you added the part about how these creatures being harmless at first but transitioning into hostile beings after humans raging war on them was a nice touch.
Seeing that it is October, your storybook has me even more in the mood for Halloween. What you have so far is really good and I cannot wait to see more!
Hey Dylan!
ReplyDeleteLike fellow classmates pointed out, the book that is the cover page of your storybook is such a nice touch to it. It definitely gives that diary feel. Seeing the book laid out on the page like that, makes me feel like it's actually someone's diary that I'm reading. The colors compliment each other very well too. The picture, along with the cool, dark, colors, gives the storybook a mysterious, kind of scary tone. Even the font contributes to the tone, too! I believe all of these aspects sets up the mood very well.
After reading your introduction, I honestly couldn't find much to point out except two things: in the second paragraph you could add the word "ever" before the word read, just to make a bit more frightening and really make it seem like readers are about to venture on to the unknown. Then, in the second to last paragraph I think there should be a "more" in front of the words "..the nasty and hateful?"
Any who, I think you did a great job writing your introduction and I really am looking forward to reading this diary type of storybook!
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteDylan,
ReplyDeleteI chose your storybook because of the Title. It is short and sweet and that is what makes a strong title. It is also a perfect title given the fact that we are going into October. I must say that your page layout is by far my most favorite.. I am actually quite jealous of it. I am doing a diary entry style storybook as well and I didn't know that there was that layout. It is perfect for your theme, as many have already mentioned. Your introduction was great as well. The Jack o lantern is such a staple of Halloween tradition therefore I think that choosing him as your narrator was an excellent choice. You did a great job in setting the mood in your writing as well. I appreciated when the Jack o Lantern laughed after what he was saying. I think that adds a little bit of darkness and mystery to the story. I can’t wait to see his perspective on the rest of the stories that you will be telling. Overall, great job!
Dylan, wow! I chose your storybook to read as my extra this week and I am lucky that I chose yours!
ReplyDeleteI picked it out at first because of your Halloween theme. It is almost that time of the year so I thought it would be festive to read. I love October and Halloween, and I think that your background and font choice was picked out really well. I think having a creepy storybook ties into the theme. The script-like handwriting makes the story feel more personal, like it came from this scary know-it-all jack-o-lantern. I also loved the HA HA HA's that came in the middle of your story. I felt like the narrator was really laughing at me!
I think your theme has some real potential and I cannot wait to see what you do in the coming weeks. It sounds like you are going to talk about some scary creatures that may already be familiar to me. I think that tying them all together in this storybook was a really creative idea! The last paragraph was an awesome way to end the introduction. Be sure to remind me not to read your stories late at night!!
Dylan, as Halloween approaches it was only natural that I choose your story. The title was short and sweet and left so much to the imagination. I love the creativity of the story being written in a book. The text is different than most, which adds to the story. It was terribly difficult to read. I wouldn't go any crazier than that. I could actually read in a deep or scary voice. I almost wish there was a crash of thunder and a flash of lightening when I finished reading. With everything going as far as your text and background, using simple pictures like you did would be good to keep the reader from being overwhelmed. This is a great idea to write about. It is going to make for a really awesome story book. I can't wait to read what you will be writing in the future!
ReplyDeleteHi Dylan! Like most who have visited your comment wall recently, I found your story based on the singular worded title 'Halloween.' On the site, it says The Halloween Diaries. Is that intentional for you to have two different but similar titles? Also, I like the idea of the jack-o-lantern being all knowing! It is a unique take, and using the headless horseman as a reference as well. I enjoy how Jack is going about to set the story straight. I would like to know why the narrator took it upon himself to curate these stories a little bit more. Good job! Can't wait to see more, especially around this time of year.
ReplyDeleteHello Dylan,
ReplyDeleteYour storybook is very impressing. I really like how you titled it Halloween diaries and your webpage has the physical appearance of a diary. Even the text looks handwritten which is fantastic! I think that it is very creative that you used a halloween jack-o-lantern to tell the tale, because it is true they are always out watching. It only made sense that it was all-knowing. I really like that you are telling the "truth" about monsters and how it was mankind that made them into the horrific creatures we imagine now. I could very easily believe this knowing what our species does to not only other creatures on earth, but even our own kind. I am extremely interested to find out about how our traditions are symbolic of the wars that have been waged between our kind and theirs. The only thing I wanted to tell you about was that when I clicked on your link to chapter one it brought me to a blank page. I do not know if there should have been a story on that page, so I thought I would let you know! Great job.
First off I chose to read this as my random storybook since Halloween is so close, and I felt like being festive! Your site is cool, because it looks like a book and you made your stories like they are in a book. I think the font you used is okay for the introduction, but if it possible to change it for your stories I think that will be best for people to read it easier. I think you did great in your introduction on the description of what it is going to be about. The HA HA HA made me laugh, and I said it in my head like someone with an evil laugh would. I think that was a good touch. There was a chapter one link, but there was nothing on it story wise. I am not sure if that was something you were supposed to do for your project since I am not doing a portfolio so I thought I would let you know. I look forward to reading more!
ReplyDeleteHey Dylan you are my random read for the week. I just thought I would see how your fantasy writing is compared to your news writing. aww man good times in that summer class lol. anyways lets get to your story book. The first thing that I noticed about your story book was the look of it. It looks like a real story book I thought this was a wonderful touch. I also really like the font that you used. the font help to give it a mysterious feel. I really like the idea of your story book. I think that telling it from the point of view of a Jack-O-Lantern gives it a fun twist. I cant wait to see what stories you plan to tell and how you plan to tell them. I like the idea of this never ending war between humans and monsters. I look forward to reading your stories keep up the good work.
ReplyDeleteI liked the design you have with this storybook. It looks like a book, which is appropriate for this assignment. Your word choices really captivates the reader and I liked the way you wrote this in first person talking to me. It adds a personal touch to it. It’s nice that you are adding multiple creatures like the vampires and the undead.
ReplyDeleteI didn’t see grammatical errors or any confusing parts. Everything seemed to flow nicely and together between paragraphs. Its good that you gave a brief introduction for the different parts you will write in future stories. I only read the introduction, I didn’t get to see the other story you had and how it continues off from the intro. For an intro, its nice that you ended with a question. This tempts the reader to continue to the next chapter to read on. The picture was fitting for the story. I liked what you wrote here and look forward to reading the rest of the Storybook.
Hi Dylan!
ReplyDeleteWhat a fun concept to write about for this time of year! I really enjoyed getting into the theme of the Halloween Diaries a week before the actual holiday. Halloween is my favorite holiday of the year. It is so much fun! I like how the theme of the diary is carried through in the background looking like a book, and that it appears hand written. Nice touch. The image you chose works well with the theme as well.
I like how you retold the creation story of Genesis here. I read the original version and like how you changed it up. How fun the narrator is, I look forward to what else his all knowing self will reveal to us. I like a little pumpkin spy. Very clever. I think you did a good job with the story, and the graphics. I do not see anything that I could add to offer any advice.
Oh my gosh! Man I loved the first story and introduction. The book idea is pure genius and you split your paragraphs up well.
ReplyDeleteLet me tell you what that does for your readers. It makes it enjoyable for us. When I don't have to work to figure out what is happening because paragraphs are split on subjects, it is a dream come true. That brings up another positive: your writing is clear. I do not have to stop and wonder about what a sentence means because they are written so well.
My last thing is I would add some dialogue. Everything is sounding good, but if you incorporate some more characters voices, it will add a ton more to the story. It's already captivating. I'm just stating the only way I would know how to make this better. Good work!
I have no other suggestions. Keep going and I look forward to the nest read!
I loved your storybook! I am from the Indian Epics class and I’m actually writing my story as a CSI diary type narrative, and I have to say I am totally jealous of the layout you chose for your project. I decided to check out your project because I love Halloween. Plus, it is such a general subject. I was not sure if I was going to get the traditional witches, pumpkins, and black cats, or more of a horror movie! I liked that your introduction was both a summary of what was to come, but also a warning of what may come. Who knew your first story would date back to literally the introduction of mankind! Those darn kids, Adam and Eve, ruining everything. I liked that you put a spin on the Genesis story. Instead of the creation of the earth and its people, you also told the story of the creation of Jack the pumpkin! Good job!
ReplyDeleteHi again Dylan! I chose to revisit your storybook since it was so enticing the first time around! :)
ReplyDeleteAnyways, I do like how you had an origin story for how the Jack-o-lantern came to be. And the fact that the origin story incorporated the Creation Story from the Bible was a nice touch! It helps explain why the humans grew to hate the 'monsters.'
But I love the touch of irony that it is Satan, whom is often represented as a monster, that skews humans views of the other living creatures on Earth. Simply put, I think you did a good job with this story, and I am looking forward to reading more!
Hey Dylan,
ReplyDeleteBeing so close to Halloween, I knew I had to check out your blog about the stories from Halloween. Your storybook looks just like a diary, which makes it very appealing to the eye. Although the font is very cool and entertaining, sometimes it can be a little difficult to read.
I enjoyed the use of the action words such as “snap, poof, and sparkle”. I also liked that you added the dialogue from the witch making her potion for the spell because this helped me really visualize the story and understand what was going on, almost as if we were really there. You had a very creative way on changing the story of the bible. The character development you added was much needed in the original story so I am very thrilled that you added that in your rewrite of this story. Great job and I can’t wait to read more of your stories in the future.
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ReplyDeleteYour Storybook looks amazing. It literally is a book which makes it really interesting and eye catching. Your theme about Halloween is a really great idea since it is just around the corner. The picture you chose for your cover page sets the tone for a spooky story. The text that you have chosen really goes well with your topic. Just reading the introduction got me hyped up for how Halloween came to be. Chapter one had an interesting take on the beginning of how everything was created. It was an interesting point of view of how the humans were mean and fearful of the ones they called “monster.” It kind of reminds me how some of society is today. It was great learning how Jack was created and what his purpose was. I loved the incantation the witch used. I enjoyed reading your storybook very much. I hope to read more this semester and see what other spooky stories you have.
ReplyDeleteDylan,
ReplyDeleteI decided to come back to your storybook this week because I had remembered how much I had enjoyed the start that you had on the project. I am glad that I decided to come back as you did not disappoint at all! I think that starting with the story on Jack was a great decision as he was narrating the introduction. I really liked how you took us back to the very beginning. That shows that these stories originated from then. I also enjoyed the biblical analogies and the illustration of how mankind has always done something to throw off the balance on earth. It was great and very interesting to see why the pumpkins were first used and carved. That was great as it really does explain the origin of certain Halloween traditions. The explanation of the birth of the Jack-o-Lantern was great. Very great detail. Like I had said, you are doing a really great job on this project and will certainly be revisiting.
Hi Dylan,
ReplyDeleteI just looked through all the comments because I thought I had read your storybook before. Perhaps I just read it on my own and had not left a comment.
Let me start with your layout... I think you chose a good design. The book design is actually really fitting. It really adds to your stories. I also really like that your kept the title really simple with "Halloween." I am a huge fan of simplicity and this drew me in.
I love that your storybook started back in time with the beginning. It was interesting that you incorporated this idea of humans creating a level of unbalance. It's oddly fitting with current scientific trends with things like pollution and global warming.
You did a really good job with the creation of Jack-o-Lantern. I just really enjoyed reading this story. It was very timely and well written. I look forward to see where you go with this storybook. I will likely check in to see where your stories go over the next few weeks. Once again, great job!
I look forward to reading your storybook when I can and thought since it was Halloween I should jump at the opportunity. I have been anticipating which direction you were going to take with your storybook and the jack-o-lantern storyteller. I liked the twist you gave to the story of how the jack-o-lantern came about. It was very creative to tie Adam and Eve to the beginning of the pumpkin. I also liked how you added that after eating the fruit they saw the other creatures for what they were. I understand that you were having trouble explaining the story itself. I think you did a good job with the first story. I am looking forward to reading the next one!
ReplyDeleteI did not find any grammatical errors other than “I” should be capitalized in the first paragraph.
Once again the layout choice fits perfectly. The creepy picture of the jack-o-lantern adds nice touch as well!
I look forward to reading your storybook when I can and thought since it was Halloween I should jump at the opportunity. I have been anticipating which direction you were going to take with your storybook and the jack-o-lantern storyteller. I liked the twist you gave to the story of how the jack-o-lantern came about. It was very creative to tie Adam and Eve to the beginning of the pumpkin. I also liked how you added that after eating the fruit they saw the other creatures for what they were. I understand that you were having trouble explaining the story itself. I think you did a good job with the first story. I am looking forward to reading the next one!
ReplyDeleteI did not find any grammatical errors other than “I” should be capitalized in the first paragraph.
Once again the layout choice fits perfectly. The creepy picture of the jack-o-lantern adds nice touch as well!
Hey dylan whats up man,
ReplyDeleteI see you have added another story to your story book (I still need to add one to mine oops) I chose to come check out you story book again as extra credit. Like last time i still really like your set up. the layout and fount make it feel like im am reading a real story book. Okay im going to be honest i did not expect to see the story of Genesis in your story book, but you did a very good job blending it in. I love the voice that you have given the all knowing jack o lantern and how he became what we know him as today. I also never knew the history of jack o lanterns so it was cool reading about that in your notes. I cant wait to read your other stories. keep up the good man.
Hey, Dylan!
ReplyDeleteYour storybook has really grown. I haven't seen it since your first intro story (and man was that a long time ago). I'm glad you added another story! Your writing style is so great and I love reading your stories. They ALWAYS keep me engaged, which I appreciate. You did a great job blending your stories and even though it's after Halloween, you've brought me back into the holiday with this storybook. Your images that you choose really allow for the reader's imagination to flow and to spark what you've done with your words into their brain. Genesis as your story is actually pretty cool - I'm not so sure anyone could pull that off, but you definitely did. I can't wait to read your finished project. It's a great start (especially since Genesis is in the beginning and this is your first story) and very spooky. Keep it up. Hope to see another story next week!
Really enjoy the setup of your story book! At first the font was a bit tough to read but after a while I was able to read it just fine. I like your book layout over the notepad one that people seem to use a lot. There is good contrast in the words and page. I'm interested to see what monsters you explore and how you explore them. Will you just be telling the story of monsters or will you have an overarcing storyline? I know there is the one about the monsters being attacked. Anyway, I really know want to learn more about the background of jack-o-lanterns. I never really thought about the story behind them. I came from the Epics of India class and chose your blog due to its halloween nature. I'm really glad I choose to read your stories. Just wanted to wrap up with great job on your storybook.
ReplyDeleteHello Dylan!
ReplyDeleteI decided to revisit your portfolio because it was one of my favorites for sure! I love the spooky feeling that you story gives off. I thought your first story complimented your introduction well. I think there is a good theme carried throughout so far; it is consistent. I think you do a good job proofreading and everything as well. Your writing and grammar is impeccable.
I thought that using a story from the bible was something new and interesting. I do not think anyone has retold a biblical story in any that I have seen thus far. I think it is really cool how you incorporated the pumpkins into the battle between the humans and the monsters. I never would have thought of that! I wish that the jack-o-lantern was on our side. Apparently, he is just a spy for the monsters. I can't wait to see how your story progresses!
Hey, Dylan!
ReplyDeleteI wanted to revisit your portfolio because of how interesting and entertaining your first story was to read! In fact, it was so interesting that I went through and read it again. I love your new story, too.
My favorite part of your most recent story was the jack-o-lantern. I remember when you carved one and left it on our back porch (hey, it's still there).
It's also really easy to read. The color of your text and background make everything flow easily on the eyes. You've also managed to get rid of any grammatical errors that I saw previously. Good job on the editing side. Your creative mind shows here and is on par with the stories you write weekly in this class. Keep up the great work and I can't wait to revisit this storybook when you're done in a few weeks once the semester has finished!
Hey, Dylan! I know one story about how Halloween came about, so I’m excited to see if you’re going to use that same story if you’re using a different one. Either way, I’m pretty excited to see what’s going to happen! (I know, I missed the Halloween party train by a couple of weeks, but I’m here now!) Some thoughts as I read your introduction:
ReplyDelete• Ooo, gotta love the Jack-O-Lantern! The last line of that first paragraph is a nice way to start building tension and uneasiness in the reader. Well done!
• Headless puns. Bless you.
• “surprises from monsters you’ve never even dreamed of in your darkest nightmares” – this whole sentence builds up to the word “nightmares” so I don’t think you really need “darkest” in there. The “monsters” bit covers it.
• Alternatively, you could add more to the “darkest” component. Like “your deepest, darkest nightmares” or –. Maybe it’s the “dreamed” word I’m having problems with... “dream” indicates something good, “nightmares” indicate something scary. So “monsters not even your darkest nightmare could touch/comprehend/compare to" perhaps.
• …and then the next sentence is about how monsters aren’t monsters? Okay, I’ll roll with it.
It seems like flipped a bit half-way through this? You were doing well in setting us up for a fun, monster-filled story – and then turned towards a darker, “monsters are misunderstood” theme. Was this intentional?
The transition between the themes could be smoother (if there’s supposed to be a transition), but overall your writing is great! The tone needs work, but there weren’t any grammatical errors and your formatting (font size, type, color) is all fantastic!
Hi Dylan! I am visiting your storybook for the first time. I have to say that it looks great. The diary layout looks very interesting. The coverpage image looks very intriguing and it instantly tells the reader to expect some kind of scary moments. The introduction in filed with great details. The font is really nice as it looks like a real diary entry. The introduction does a great job in leading to the stories by providing some background information and by keeping the readers intrigued.
ReplyDeleteChapter One was filled with great details. Those details were really nice to read as they made the story even better. I like how you took a simple Adam and Eve story, and turned into such a great story. I really felt like Jack was real. If I read this during Halloween, I think I would've destroyed some pumpkins :) Again, I thought you did an excellent job! I cannot wait to read the other stories.
Chapter one:
ReplyDeleteDylan! I liked this story. I actually noticed that it was referencing the Bible. That is some great creativity to twist the Bible into a Halloween story. That isn't seen often. I also noticed that your story was similar to a Disney movie that a lot of people love, Halloween Town. I really like that movie and I can see some of the details that both have. I don't know if you did that on purpose but if not that was cool how it worked out!! I can feel like jack is real when I read. That is good because it gives your storybook more character. I really liked chapter one and am never disappointed when I have to come back! Good Job!
What up, Dylan!
ReplyDeleteI was SO excited when you mentioned that you finally added another story the other day! And wow - you didn't disappoint. I had been looking forward to what would happen next.
It was really cool how you combined so many different stories into your one story. It's interesting to see how different stories relate and could combine to make an entirely new tale. This takes a lot of creativity!
Your story was a bit gruesome, but you really took to the theme and I appreciate that.
I also like how you introduced Jules and how she fit into the world you had already created.
The only thing I would change is where you put your image. Maybe after the reader knows where your setting is would be a good place.
Overall, great job. I have always enjoyed reading your stories and I hope you get to add one more before the semester ends. Have a great rest of your year! See ya around.
Dylan! I had to make one last stop by your storybook to see the final story. I only wish that there was more. I think you did a wonderful job with the second story. I was intrigued by your introduction and it was very memorable for me. I think you did a good job with making your story book very user friendly. I found your stories comical at times and very entertaining. I also think it took a lot of creativity to keep a storybook like Halloween going after the time had passed. I know that sometimes it is hard to spark another idea when a theme like that passes, but you did not disappoint! I think you did a good job revising the stories. I did not find any grammatical errors. Your author’s notes were very helpful to me and allowed me to understand your thought process. Nice work this semester!
ReplyDelete